Episode 4 - Be Interested, Not Interesting: The Secret to Better Conversations
Hi I'm Keith and welcome to Networking Nuggets. Here's one of the biggest misconceptions about networking. People think you need to be interesting, that you need to be impressive, that you need to be memorable to be any good at it. You don't. In fact the best networkers I know aren't the most interesting people in the room they're the most interested.
Keith:You've probably experienced this. You're talking to someone and you can tell that they're not really listening. They're waiting. They're waiting for their turn to talk. They're waiting to tell you what they do.
Keith:They're waiting to jump in with their story and that always feels kind of off because you might not consciously think this person isn't listening properly but you feel it because they're not present they're preparing or even worse if they're online and you're having a one to one with them on zoom or teams you can see that they're actually reading their emails. They're not listening. So now let's compare that with a different kind of conversation. You're talking to someone and they're asking questions. They're following up on what you say.
Keith:They are actually listening and something shifts when that happens because you relax, you open up more, you enjoy the conversation and afterwards you think they were great to talk to. Even if at that moment they didn't actually say anything particularly groundbreaking your brain is still saying do know what I enjoyed that conversation I wouldn't mind speaking to them again and that's the impression that you want to leave with other people because you want them to come back and speak to you again. So you see that's the difference it's not about what you say it's about how you make people feel and one of the most powerful ways to do that is to make people feel heard, to make people feel understood, is to make people feel valued because most people don't get that very often. So why do we all default to trying to be interesting? Because of pressure.
Keith:Because we think I need to stand out or I need to impress them or I need to say something clever. Now if I was for a job interview or for a one off sales meeting you'd be right but networking isn't one off. So don't just talk more, stop trying harder, stop overthinking because do all those and ironically you will connect more than you do now. So here's the shift I want you to try. Next time you're in a conversation instead of thinking what should I say next?
Keith:Ask yourself what can I ask next? Because good questions do two things. They keep the conversation flowing and importantly they show that you're paying attention. So I said look at some examples instead of saying what do you do try what do you enjoy most about what you do? Instead of how's business try what's been going well for you recently and then listen to the answer.
Keith:Listen Not just to reply but so that you understand. Because here's where it gets interesting. When you really listen to someone you start to pick up things like what matters to them, what they're struggling with, what's exciting them at the moment And that gives you something powerful because that gives you context. Which means when you do speak you're not guessing, you're relevant. Let's look at a common mistake.
Keith:One mistake that people make here is then turning the conversation into an interrogation. Question after question after question after question. That's not the goal. The goal is to establish a natural back and forth. So you ask, you listen, you respond, you share something of yours then repeat that cycle.
Keith:Believe me it really is a virtuous cycle. Learn it. So if you want to be better at networking stop trying to be interesting and start being interested because the people who get remembered aren't the ones who talk the most they're the ones who listen the best. And when you do that consistently networking stops feeling like something you have to perform and starts feeling like something you can actually enjoy. If you found this week's episode useful make sure you follow or subscribe and if you want more check out Networking Nuggets on LinkedIn it's my weekly newsletter where I share deeper insights every Wednesday.
Keith:Until next time keep connecting. Networking Nuggets is a Think of Something Publishing production.
